Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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