I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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