It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
