you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
