Whod you bang
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
