so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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