New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
