R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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