I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
