We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
