I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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