Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
