Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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