Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sponge bath it is.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
