DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
