I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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