just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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