i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
