He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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