I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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