first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
