if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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