in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dicks are not precious.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize