ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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