you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
