Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
