i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
