Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
ttyl tear gas
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
