remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did I show you my penis last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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