I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
