Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
