Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
