He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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