i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
