i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid