Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?