I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed