Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
