this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt