The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs