the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
