i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
