When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize