I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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