a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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