I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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