He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
