Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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