you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
