if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
