It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
