Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
