Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
