I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
