it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
