my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
