he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
