you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
