Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
