She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
