He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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