what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
