ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I party with great urgency now.
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