...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
