he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
