Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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